Make It Sounds Like It Does On The Album, No Tricks

solongastoria

Back in 1998, comedian David Spade, the guy who is not Chris Farley in Tommy Boy, cut a fantastic HBO stand up special called “Take The Hit.” Fast forward to 2016 and, of course, it’s up on youtube for free, under the title “David Spade Full Stand Up Comedy.” In the special, Spade mentions his distaste for bands changing their songs from their recorded versions during live performances. It’s a great bit and you should check out his whole special. And paradoxically, I am always reminded of it when I hear bands that sound exactly like their records live.

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Pec’s Prospects Picks

Pecs prospects picks v2

Back in August last year, an email showed up in the ALTTAB Radio general media contacts account:

Gentlemen-I am sorry that this email is unsolicited. I am a National Football League retired player and I am interested in opportunities you may have for Tv,radio,internet, satellite work in the sports area, specifically football. Contact back with information about dates and locations.

-Pec Thompson Jr.

Pec Thompson Jr? We had no idea who that was. And Google wasn’t being especially forthcoming either. Finally after more than half an hour of deep internets, Dano, the hardest working fake sportswriter in the business, cracked the case.

Clay “Pec” Thompson Jr. [Read more…]

27 Ways To Be The Modern Man’s Modern Man, Man

hotguys_elitedaily

Last week, the august New York Times published an oddly Buzzfeedian piece titled “27 Ways To Be A Modern Man.” The piece ran with a straight face, in the Men’s Style section under the “Self Help” tag, despite its content…not…making any sense? Among the 27 ways were plainly contradictory aphorisms, such as commanding the Modern Man to be both a stoic block of wood and sniffling shudder of sensitivity. There were odd brand plugs for Dr. Pepper and Irish Spring as well as a bizarre exhortation to own all of director Michael Mann’s film on Blu Ray.

The internet had no idea what to make of it. The Daily Caller, hearty dollop of cant-infused sour crème fraîche, worried about the STATE OF MASCULINITY. The National Review (of all places) had a pretty great call and response takedown. The San Fransico Chronicle took it a step further with their own regional, super on the nose, “27 Ways To Be A Modern San Francisco Man.” (Sample: 11. Crying isn’t taboo for the modern S.F. man: He’ll gush infinite public tears when he finds out the guy he wrote off at the incubator got more startup funding than he did.)

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Why Is The Iron Bowl Called The Iron Bowl?

ironbowl

Alabama football wasn’t all that much to write home about during the 90s and 00s when I was learning the college football landscape (vacating Don Shula’s son’s smattering of wins is but only so interesting) and Auburn, outside of the ridiculous 2004 season where 5 ½ teams finished the season undefeated, might have even been a little worse, only being bowl-eligible three times from 1991 to 1999. But since Saint Saban arrived in Tuscaloosa in 2007 it has been a decidedly different story, with Alabama going for double digit wins every year since and locking up three national championships and Auburn, after limping on from the Tommy Tuberville era in 2008, having a more uneven time, but one punctuated with two national championship game appearances, coming away with one win and one loss. Oh, and in 2013 this happened:

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How The Video For “Your Love” By The Outfield Predicted The Future

The video for The Outfield’s “Your Love”, off 1985’s “Play Deep”, is a little extra, as the kids say. From the blind, trench coated keyboardist being led around by his shoulder, to the twin blonde-mulleted guitarists, to the finger painting woman inexplicably using a music video set as a studio space, to the rather unfortunate looking lead singer with the Lawrence Taylor dangling cross earring– playing that second most 80s of musical instruments (behind the keytar), the headless bass– “Your Love” is high 80s pop art. It is also a prescient piece of futurism.

Consider first that it’s a music video…of a music video! They may not have known it at the time, but these were the crude first proto-hipster attempts at being winkingly meta while shoving everything up its own ass. Then pay special attention to around the 1:40 mark, when one of the blonde mullets walks over to the finger painting girl–mid guitar solo, mind you– just to see what she’s up to. “Oh me? Just finger paintin’.” He winks at her in a way that we’d now call mildly rapey but at the time was probably considered fucking radical. She doesn’t like his attention though… until she does, transitioning fluidly from shaking her head in disapproval to giggling with a coy smile.

The Outfield predicted not only hipsters, but the MRA movement.

HOW DID THEY KNOW?

All this for a song about some guy trying to go to pound town with some girl while his girlfriend is on vacation.

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Fist Bump Kid, The Boston Bruins, and Your Broken Heart

Amid the cant and spit of the midterms last tuesday, the Boston Bruins and the Carolina Panthers got together to play a little hockey. And while the Bruins ended up losing 2-1, in a larger sense they won– in life, that is. Eight year old Liam Fitzgerald, a little boy with Down syndrome who has also survived pediatric cancer, was sitting beside the tunnel from the ice to the locker room as the Bruins were wrapping up their pre-game warm up. Clad head to toe in yellow and black (those elbow patches! that hat!) Liam took the opportunity to give dap to the players as they headed off the ice. The result was the climax of a Lifetime movie:

The Bruins players have rightly been on the receiving end of the collective rainbow vomiting of the internet– Katie Nolan went so far as to say Fist Bump Kid is making the fist bump cool again. Aside from that video of a piglet jumping through the grass, this may wind up the cutest video of 2014. Keep it up, Fist Bump Kid!

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“I Want You Back” Is The Best Song

“I Want You Back” was originally recorded by The Jackson Five in 1969 and it served as their debut single for Motown Records in 1970. The song was a number one hit on the Billboard Hot 100 and went on to be ranked the 121st greatest song of all time by Rolling Stone, behind every song ever released by Bob Dylan and the Beatles and “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana.

There are a number of Jackson Five performances of “I Want You Back” on YouTube. The one below, from their 1971 TV special “Goin’ Back To Indiana,” has the most views:

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Dallas Sportscaster Calls For Support Of Gay Athletes

As we discussed in Podcast #2, Missouri’s Michael Sam– 2013 SEC Defensive Player of the Year and projected high round NFL prospect– came out last week. A lot of the media coverage was positive, though there were packets of prejudice, including Sam’s own father. Yet despite the generally welcoming reaction to Sam’s affirmation, we in the ALTTAB Dome were still surprised by an editorial by Dale Hansen, a Dallas sportscaster for ABC affiliate WFAA, from February 10.

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