Do Not Think For A Second That The 76ers Know What They’re Doing

It’s a lot of fun to dump on Sam Hinkie and the Philadelphia 76ers, just like it’s a lot of fun to dump on Donald Trump. Both are ridiculous on their face, yet seem protected by impenetrable bubbles (Trump: money/racism/self-esteem?, 76ers: process/process/process) that give them an unearned self-assurance that makes them ripe for mockery. Put another way, they both have naturally punchable faces.

Yet unlike Trump, Hinkie and the 76ers also seem to cast a weird magic over the press that sometimes makes their eyes twitch and pupils dilate and before thinking something like, “You know, maybe the 76ers do have it all figured out.”

Look at this Deadspin headline:

76ers

 

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Why Is The Iron Bowl Called The Iron Bowl?

ironbowl

Alabama football wasn’t all that much to write home about during the 90s and 00s when I was learning the college football landscape (vacating Don Shula’s son’s smattering of wins is but only so interesting) and Auburn, outside of the ridiculous 2004 season where 5 ½ teams finished the season undefeated, might have even been a little worse, only being bowl-eligible three times from 1991 to 1999. But since Saint Saban arrived in Tuscaloosa in 2007 it has been a decidedly different story, with Alabama going for double digit wins every year since and locking up three national championships and Auburn, after limping on from the Tommy Tuberville era in 2008, having a more uneven time, but one punctuated with two national championship game appearances, coming away with one win and one loss. Oh, and in 2013 this happened:

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If You Have Ornithophobia, Maybe Don’t Pursue Your NFL Dreams

bird attack

On the podcast, we discussed a very important analysis of NFL, NBA, and MLB team names I did as a weird tangent of our ranking of the worst phobias for athletes to have. Turns out, with the Cardinals, Ravens, Seahawks, Falcons, and Eagles comprising 16 percent of the league, ornithophobes (people who are terrified of birds) would do much better attempting to ply their trades in the MLB (where avian teams account for 10 percent of the league) or even better, in the NBA (where it’s only seven percent– just the Hawks and Pelicans).

Obviously there is a spreadsheet attached to this, so here it is, in case you want to play around.

Click this link: Sports team nicknames

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How The Video For “Your Love” By The Outfield Predicted The Future

The video for The Outfield’s “Your Love”, off 1985’s “Play Deep”, is a little extra, as the kids say. From the blind, trench coated keyboardist being led around by his shoulder, to the twin blonde-mulleted guitarists, to the finger painting woman inexplicably using a music video set as a studio space, to the rather unfortunate looking lead singer with the Lawrence Taylor dangling cross earring– playing that second most 80s of musical instruments (behind the keytar), the headless bass– “Your Love” is high 80s pop art. It is also a prescient piece of futurism.

Consider first that it’s a music video…of a music video! They may not have known it at the time, but these were the crude first proto-hipster attempts at being winkingly meta while shoving everything up its own ass. Then pay special attention to around the 1:40 mark, when one of the blonde mullets walks over to the finger painting girl–mid guitar solo, mind you– just to see what she’s up to. “Oh me? Just finger paintin’.” He winks at her in a way that we’d now call mildly rapey but at the time was probably considered fucking radical. She doesn’t like his attention though… until she does, transitioning fluidly from shaking her head in disapproval to giggling with a coy smile.

The Outfield predicted not only hipsters, but the MRA movement.

HOW DID THEY KNOW?

All this for a song about some guy trying to go to pound town with some girl while his girlfriend is on vacation.

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