“The Wiz Man” Will Never Fit You Like “The Wiz Kid” Did

May 22, 2017; Thousand Oaks, CA, USA; Los Angeles Rams coach Sean McVay addresses the media at press conference during organized team activities at Cal Lutheran University. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

So the LA Rams made playoffs. Fit and sexy and 11-5 after their long-time-coming breakup with the “greatest bad coach of all time” Jeff Fisher, the Rams handed the keys to first time head coach Sean McVay almost a year ago and haven’t looked back, ending the 2017 regular season with the NFL’s scariest offense. Although there were a number of news items about McVey beating Lane Kiffin’s record to become the new “youngest head coach” in NFL history, every time I see the guy I feel the need to point it out again. Maybe it’s that blonde beard and Ed Grimley haircut. I don’t know.

Going into the Rams’ wildcard game tonight against the Falcons (Ed.: They lost.), Sean McVay is 31 years old. Born in 1986 31 years old. Too young to have seen either Raiders or Temple of Doom in theaters 31 years old. He won’t be 32 until January 24. Now I’m not saying that coaching an NFL team is the biggest deal in the world, but 31 is a young age to be at the top of any line of work. Especially outside of the babyman-worshiping tech industry.

Anyway, thinking about McVay’s rise to the top of the football coaching profession made me wonder what other people were doing in their thirty second year:

Wade Phillips, LA Rams defensive coordinator
What he was doing in 1979: Defensive line coach for Houston Oilers teams that went 10-6 in the 1978 season and 11-5 in the 1979 season, losing in the AFC Championship both times to the Terry Bradshaw-era Steelers by a combined score of 61-18

Bill Belichick, New England Patriots head coach
What he was doing in 1984: Working for Bill Parcells as New York Giants linebackers and special teams coach coming off a 3-12-1 season in 1983

Lane Kiffin, Florida Atlantic University head football coach
What he was doing in 2007: Coming into his first season as NFL head coach with the 2007 Oakland Raiders; would end the year with a 4-14 record, displeasing elderly toad Al Davis who cursed Kiffin to sign on to coach at the University of Tennessee and take the following picture:

Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh Steelers head coach
What he was doing in 2004: Defensive backs coach for the Jon Gruden-era Tampa Bay Buccaneers, coming off a 7-9 Super Bowl hangover season in 2003

Tom Brady, New England Patriots quarterback
What he was doing in 2009: Coming off 2008 season spent on the bench with a torn ACL where Matt Cassell inexplicably quarterbacked the team to a 11-5 record and their only missed playoff appearance in the past 14 years; about to embark on an unremarkable 10-6 2009 season and wild card loss to the Baltimore Ravens in Joe Flacco’s sophomore season; married Gisele Bündchen

Donald Trump, President of the United States (?)
What he was doing in 1978: Made first Manhattan real estate deal of his career, buying the Commodore Hotel with a $70 million loan guaranteed by his father, Fred Trump; still on his first marriage to Ivana Trump; has one child, Donald Trump Jr., who is one year old

Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation, passionate equestrian
What he was doing in 1984: KGB Foreign Intelligence Officer; still eight years away from entering politics in 1991

Nancy Pelosi, US House of Representatives Minority Leader
What she was doing in 1972: Homemaker with five children under age of seven; 15 years away from winning her first election for San Francisco Board of Supervisors in 1987

Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House
What he was doing in 2002: Already in his second term in the House of Representatives, Ryan was already the blue eyed, cant spewing remora he is today

Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States
What he was doing in 1993: Visiting Law and Government Fellow at the University of Chicago, teaching constitutional law and writing “Dreams from My Father;” associate at Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland; wrapping up first year of marriage to Michelle

About the Author: Gus Caravalho is the editor of ALTTAB Radio.
Hit him up at gus@alttabradio.com / @guscaravalho / @alttabradio.


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